Nonsense

What to say? What to write? How do people seem to put so eloquently into words the thoughts running wild in their heads? This is one of the things that perplexes me.

I so want to be able to say what's on my mind. I want the words to flow freely from my fingertips and onto the screen in front of me. I want it to illicit some kind of cathartic relief from the near constant thoughts that bounce around inside my skull on a minute by minute basis. I long for the "AHA!" moment we see in movies and on TV. The ones where the hero finally understands all that is happening and is able to deal with whatever obstacle is in the way.

I want to be able to express everything inside me to someone else in this world. Someone that will not judge in any way. Someone that I can be completely and totally honest with. Share all those dark little secrets we all hide away. Be completely and utterly vulnerable without fear of rejection or retribution.

Unfortunately, I don't think such a person exists. I don't think a person like that has ever existed. Not for me. Not for you. But I still have the mistaken thought that a person like that is out there somewhere, just waiting to be found by me.

We see people every single day. We converse with people every single day. Facebook, Twitter. We interact. We laugh. We cry. But what does that really say about any of us? And does it really matter? I think about that old question: "If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it actually make a sound?" Logically, I know it does. It's a simple matter of natural physics that tells me that it most definitely made a sound. But everyday I feel that I could stand in the middle of a crowded street and scream at the top of my lungs and no one would hear me at all. No one would notice. And even if they did, no one would take the time or have any inclination to determine the reason behind the scream. This is what life has taught me.

And so I sit silent.

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